Dogs and their willies stuck out!!

On the odd occasion a dog may get an erection, it dries out and gets stuck out! All that is needed is some ice to bring the swelling down and then some lube to pop it back in! I had a client call me up one evening to say that their dog's willy was stuck out. I tried to talk them through sorting it out, but they refused to touch it! They bought the dog in to me and I sorted the problem in about 10 mins. They went home with a happier dog and a bill for £50 and possibly a little embarrassed!

I few months later a client rang with their dog having the same problem, he had been humping his favourite teddy and had got it stuck out! Again I tried to talk them through popping it back in, and again they had problems touching 'it'. I then explained it was after 10pm and told them how much the bill would be. They said they would give it a go and call back to let me know how they got on. They called back half an hour later to say they had they had sorted the problem. His willy had been stuck under Poo Bear's hat!

6am Christmas morning call out

6am Christmas day the phone rings. It is a client panicking because their mothers dog had collapsed and was turning blue. I tried to persuade her to bring him straight into the hospital so I can put him on oxygen and give him treatment. The client refused and demanded that I come to her mothers house straight away (no merry Christmas by the way, no 'sorry to phone you so early on Christmas day', in fact no recognition that that it was even Christmas day, just rudeness!)

I got in my car, rushed to our hospital, picked up a few drugs and was nearly at the house when the phone rang again. It was the client; she announced the dog was now fine and there was no need for me to come out anymore. I explained that I was two minutes away from her house and so I may as well check on her mothers dog, just to be on the safe side as I was worried about him. She said there was no need. I turned around and went home feeling VERY pissed off that she had wasted my time, that she had been so rude and demanding and that she had not even apologised calling me out so early on Christmas day morning!

I did charge her a half call out fee which was £50, even though I did not see the dog as she was such a time waster and used up my time and petrol. I got a letter and a phone call of complaint about the bill, but after talking to the daughter and explaining how she had called me out of bed on Christmas day and had wasted my time and I had offered to still see the dog even though she refused, I felt it was only fair to charge a half call out fee. She promptly paid the fee. Hopefully she will think twice about calling out a vet and being rude in the process!

I just want to be clear, it wasn't being called out that bothered me. I am a vet, it seemed to be a genuine emergency at first, but the client was then very rude and ended up wasting my time.

An agoraphobic client

I got called out to a collapsed dog one Sunday afternoon, its back end had gone and wasn't able to stand. The client and patient were in her lounge beside the fire as was a cold winters day. As I was examining Bobby, the client was babbling on and chain smoking. I discussed my findings and the options with the client and gave Bobby some treatment. We then started chatting, when all of a sudden the client told me she was agoraphobic and hadn't left the house in a few months. I felt a little shocked and backed into a corner. The first thing I said to try to reassure her was 'you are not missing much, its cold and raining outside!!' Needless to say the conversation was cut short and I left soon after with Bobby starting to feel a little better already!!

Apparently it is rude to bleed on a patient

I got called into an emergency on a Saturday afternoon for a hamster which had a 'poorly eye'!  Now it is not cheap to call the vet in on a Saturday afternoon, believe me, I would think twice if I wasn't a vet unless it was a real emergency!  Anyway, I rush into work for this hamster and find out that it is not used to being handled.  Now how do you pick up a hamster that has never been picked up?  The hamster is running around the consulting room table, I am putting my hands at the edges to stop it jumping off, when it sinks its teeth into my finger!  I hold my breath, count to 10 and try not to swear!  I put a bit of pressure on my finger and continue to try to examine the hamster.  The next thing I know the clients start mumbling to each other and looking horrified..... I look down and I have bled on their hamster!  Apparently it is rude to bleed on a hamster, even though the little git bit me!  I had to excuse myself and get myself cleaned up and get a plaster!

The hamster went home with some eye drops.  I on the other hand had a bloody sore finger for the next couple of days!

A boxing day llama

Boxing day 0f 2008 was my turn to be on duty. I had been called in at 8.30am and had seen a couple of emergencies and removed a foreign body form a dogs intestine. By lunch time I was tired, had enough and wanting a turkey sandwich! The phone rang and I answered. It was a distress client asking if we treat llamas. I stupidly said yes! Why oh why did I not say No! The client had rung around 7 other vets and they had all turned her down. I am too kind, I asked her what the problem was. She told me her two llama's had been attacked by a dog and were in a bad way. I told I would come out but it would cost quite a bit. Money apparently was not a problem so I rushed out.

I got there to find two llama's running around a large field with three men frantically trying to catch them! Turns out the ladies daughter had bought them for her from a farmer as a Christmas day present! The lady had let her two greyhounds out to go the toilet Boxing day morning and they had attacked the llama's, chasing them around the field. One of the llamas was OK, but shook up. The other had a torn scrotum, anus and had one of its testicles hanging out, poor thing! My main problem was the llamas were wild, no one had handled them at the previous farm and they were very scared! Catching the injured llama involved lots of running around, falling over and cornering. Eventually we caught him and I gave him some sedation, local anaesthetic and stitched him back together. It took about an hour and was very tricky. The whole time, no one had wished me merry Christmas, no one had offered me a cup of tea or a mince pie. I am sure people think vets don't celebrate Christmas! I shall write about a Christmas day incident one day soon!

After finishing stitching the llama up, I chatted to the lady for a bit and asked her why she had got the llamas. She said she had mentioned once in an off hand way that she would love to have llamas one day. Her daughter was stuck for Christmas present ideas and saw an advert for the two llamas and thought it would be a great idea! The lady said she wasn't serious, and didn't think she would ever really have them, just a dream! Be careful what you wish for!

Becoming a vet

Apparently I have wanted to be a vet since I was little. I am not so sure. I think I may have mentioned it when I was younger and my mum then pushed me into it. It is not bad to have a parent backing you, but it was more than that, I was and am living her dream. She always wanted to be a vet but was 'never clever enough'.

I did well in my GCSE's, got relatively good A-levels despite a severe illness and then went through 5 years of vet school at the RVC. I never found vet school very easy. I am more practical than good at exams. I have always struggled with learning, memorising etc. If I don't understand something I don't remember it. I know now it is because I am dyslexic. I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my last year of vet school!
Upon qualifying I immediately started working at a mixed practice treating all kinds of animals; mainly dogs, cats, rabbits and horses, some cows, some sheep, the odd bearded dragon and an occasional llama (that is another story!!) I am still with the same practice, how long for I do not know however. I work very long hours, weekends and nights.

This blog is to document my clife as a vet, but also a place to remember all of the strange occurrences and encounters with patients and clients!